Networking for Introverts

I like Mariko Kosaka's post on "An Introvert's Guide to Networking" because the post offers practical advice to networking at events.

I am an introvert and networking at events is tough for me, but I love having meaningful interactions with people one-on-one. Recently, I have wondered how I can play to my strengths as an introvert.

These last few days, I've sought out advice from fellow introverts and ambiverts on networking, which I'll share below.

Networking can happen anywhere, even the coffee shop, gym and more. As introverts, I think it's important to have an open heart and expand our definition of networking.

In this post:

• Networking: What It Is and What It Isn't
• On Event Networking
• On LinkedIn Networking
• On Standing Out Without Saying Much
• On Following Up
• Conclusion

Networking: What It Is and What It Isn't

I want to share a few ideas from the book "Designing Your Life" by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans on networking. Their explanations on networking helped me move away that networking was a business-as-usual exchange.

Rather that, I learned to focus on the very human connection that networking helps foster. From their book:

"Hidden jobs are available to people who have professional networks."

"A sincerely interested inquirer (not looking for a job) may crack the network of hidden jobs by conducting Life Design Interviews-- you're after the story, not the job. Who you interview will always initiate the job offer. If no, then move on. don't ask about job openings."

As an introvert, it's important to reframe a few ideas:

• Reframe Networking: "Networking is just asking for directions."
• Reframe Jobs: "I am pursuing a number of offers."

With these reframes, I would like to add one more reframe for the introverts, which I came up with:

• Reframe Introversion: You are you, so be confident in yourself. Approach people like you're approaching a friend. Add value to them by valuing their presence and advice, making them laugh, and more.

To the point, networking:

IS NOT:

• a way to give out as many business cards at an event
• a way to ask for a job - sometimes the job is offered to you without you prompting!

IS:

• helping each other find friends willing to help each other (e.g. advice, projects, resources, etc.)
• a way for asking job referrals — sometimes it is about asking for job opportunities :)

On Event Networking

With event networking, the most important thing one can do is settle one's mind and go in with a strategy.

Here is some advice, paraphrased by me, I received from a fellow introvert:

1. Mind - Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday at events, not the extroverted social butterflies.
2. Goal - Choose your metric. How many genuine connections do you want to make at the event? Five meaningful connections is a good start, and make sure to follow up with them.
3. Plan - Know yourself, and be yourself. Ask questions about the other person, maybe share something about yourself at the event, and make that 30-second elevator pitch. Walk tall, and breathe deeply to relax yourself.
4. Exit - Reach your goal and pat yourself on the back. If you have energy for more genuine connections, go make them. When you've reached your goal, re-evaluate your strategies and leave the event confidently that you reached your goals.
5. Treat yourself - You did it! Relax and recharge yourself!

Some fellow introverts have given me this advice:

Avoid networking events altogether, and just reach out to one-on-one connections instead.

On LinkedIn Networking

LinkedIn is a wonderful, professional networking website to help people get connected. I've made connections (mentors, friends) that have been very meaningful to me. People who respond to you help guide you.

I've primarily reached out to people for informational meetings, which have been tremendously helpful for me:

• Informational Meetings - This is the Life Design Interviews mentioned by Burnett and Evans (see above "Networking: What It Is and What It Isn’t"). Write a message that connects you and the other person together meaningfully. Find any connection, such as previous schools, interests, etc., and build on that. I've gotten more rejections than I can count, but for all those who gave me the time of day for coffee/tea helped me in my career transition journey.

If you haven't heard from someone in 3 days - 1 week, many have suggested to me, you should follow up with another way to connect you to the other person.

In a speech I heard recently:

"If you're scared to do something, think about this: Is this as bad as death or dismemberment?"

Clearly, no, especially for networking!

During the informational meeting, you simply add value by:

• making the other person laugh
• valuing their advice and experiences
• ...and connecting with them in a very genuine way!

On Standing Out Without Saying Much

An ambivert told me, that there are other ways of networking besides networking events. You can put yourself into the universe, show yourself to the world, and people will come talk to you. In other words, make physical things a talking point and let others talk to you.

She gave me a wonderful example, which I thought the situation was so rare, but it did happen to her.

She was on the train with her headphones on and laptop, working on a project for her coding bootcamp, which she was a couple weeks into the program. The man next to her tapped her shoulder and asked her what she was working on. He turned out to be a director at a company, and ended up offering her a job opportunity. When she completed the bootcamp, she went through the entire technical interview process. She amazed them with her thinking process and her skills.

This story has a few lessons:

• work outside, not at home - Don't stay holed up at home and code. Go present yourself to the world (i.e. coffee shop), have a tangible, physical thing that differentiates you from the rest (i.e. pins, stickers on your laptop), and people will talk to you. It happens.

In other words:

Stand out by being genuine and memorable by using something tangible (e.g. colored hair, pins, stickers).

On Following Up

Naturally, I am very considerate of other people's feelings, time, and space.

When I send an e-mail and have yet to get a response (informational meetings, job applications, etc.), I let my message go to the bottom of the inbox. I do not pursue what I originally asked, because, I reasoned, if the other person saw it, they probably didn't bother to open it.

Actually, there may be other reasons, such as:

• meant to reply to you, but forgot
• drafted a message to you, but didn't send it
• ...and more!

It never hurts to ask.

Moving forward, I plan to send a friendly reminder to bump my message back in their inboxes to get a response. However, make sure to, while following up:

• acknowledge that they are busy, and you'd appreciate some of their time
• add images, just for fun (and why not? :))
• be courteous
• be persistent
• show your personality

Follow up and form those genuine relationships!

Conclusion

There you have it. I covered networking in these areas with the help of all the advice I received from fellow introverts and ambiverts.

I've come to realize that simply:

Why, I am human, too, and so is the other person!

A friend once told me that if the other person doesn't want to play in the same sandbox (be friends, connect, etc.), then find other people who will.

Networking is really about making genuine connections with friends. Not everyone is going to be a friend, but that's okay, there are billions of people on Earth who can be.

I'll be focusing on LinkedIn Networking and Standing Out Without Saying Much as I continue my job search!